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Dating: When fantasy meets reality

A thought for the day about something a lot of people are guilty of (and, let’s be honest here, women are actually worse at this). I’m talking about thinking too far ahead when just starting to date someone.

Dating: When fantasy meets reality

All of us have ideas of our ideal relationship. In fact, I’ve come across women who had their whole life worked out, from every minute detail of their wedding day to the way their house would look, the names of their children. All that was missing was the husband, a husband without any ideas or character of his own, one might assume, or he may want to have a say in the way his life unfolds.

While this may be an extreme example of what happens when you take materialism to the extreme and try and adapt your love life to it, you’ll find that this sort of jumping ahead is all too common in the world of dating. Men are thought to generally be more relaxed about such things, but can be just as guilty of having unrealistic ideals of what women should be like.

Let’s face it, we can all be guilty of looking beyond the person in front of us and into the realm of our own fantasy world. In fact, many relationships fail because people are too busy living the fake life of their hopes and dreams. People are not plants. If you sprout a bean, you’re going to get a bean sprout, followed by a bean plant. No surprises there, unless you do something wrong somewhere along the line and kill it. A person, on the other hand, is a bit more complex. You can look at someone you’ve just started dating and see what looks like a bean, but you might actually be looking at a rose bush.

When you just meet someone, you have too little information to judge the person and what they’re capable of becoming (if anything. Some people are likely to stay more or less the same, so it’s a hopeless battle trying to change them). Sometimes you may be right, often you will be wrong. You won’t know till you’ve gotten to know them better. The part of you that’s answering all the questions is, in fact, completely disconnected from reality. What’s worse, if you have the whole thing planned out from the start and are merely casting your new man or woman in your pre-written play, then you’re going to miss out on all the real stuff that’s happening between you.

Telling your mind to stop thinking is easier said than done, but you can slow down your actions. Take it slow. Don’t rush into relationships. Some scientists are even saying, don’t sleep with each other too soon so your hormones don’t go crazy and start doing the thinking for you. Whatever you do, remember that the real magic of love comes from letting it reveal itself to you in ways you may never have imagined, not by forcing it to flow through preconceived notions.

Shimrit Elisar Written by Shimrit Elisar
Parship GmbH

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