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Making contact

Juggling your contacts

In the context of online dating, at least until you find Mr or Ms Right, you will tend to keep up with a number of contacts. But this kind of juggling can have its traps.

Juggling your contacts

On Monday it’s a date with Melissa (36), a dentist. On Tuesday, it’s a drink with management consultant and cat-lover Christine. And don’t forget to cancel Katie for Wednesday - she’s the art student, the one who hates cars, because that psychotherapist, the one with the pierced tongue, said she was going to call. What was her name again? … It looks like a case of dating overload - a nice problem to have, but it does bring to mind that piece of advice that someone gave you the other day about not having too much on the go at once. “Focus on one thing, otherwise you’ll end up with nothing.” And then there’s the burning question of whether it’s bad form to be in touch with two women you like.

Just relax

On the online dating scene, a surprising number of people have trouble juggling several email contacts at once. It might all start innocuously enough, but soon a particular candidate becomes the object of special interest and you can feel as though you’re cheating on the others. We’d recommend that you shouldn’t give yourself a hard time about this. First of all you should tell yourself that the people you’re in touch with will almost certainly also have more than one person on the go. Whether online or offline, everyone is looking around, getting to know a variety of people … That’s the way things work these days. After all, if you were at a party, you wouldn’t swear eternal love to the first person who brought you a drink. So don’t reproach yourself and don’t feel guilty. It’s normal to need a few tryouts before everything clicks. If you set your sights on just one person too soon, it’s like playing a game of chance where you take out possibilities of winning.

The way it goes

Even if you adopt a more relaxed attitude to online dating, there are some questions that need answering. Should a woman tell one of her potential suitors about the other man she considers a possibility? And if so, when is the right moment? Parship’s dating experts suggest not getting too hooked up on the topic of parallel dating - it would be unreasonable of anyone to expect or assume ‘exclusivity’ from the start.

So instead of wasting time discussing what you probably both know already, you would do better to concentrate on the person you are in touch with at any one time. If the topic comes up, then you should be honest, but discreet: there’s no point in denying that you are in contact with other people too, but it’s clearly not in anyone’s interests to make comments about other members or even name names. Likewise, it’s a bad move to send dozens of contact requests with a standard text. It’s not a good way to try and start something serious and you risk losing track of what you’ve said to whom, which could give rise to some embarrassing cases of mistaken identity. Even if you just have a few correspondences on the go, it’s worth making a note of key information about each of them. And it’s also worth using the function in the Parship Fact File to give each of your contacts a nickname (which only you will see)

There can be only one winner

Online dating can be lots of fun, but you always need to bear in mind that Parship is about finding the right person. If the chemistry really happens with one particular person, then decisions become simple and the other correspondences will almost certainly go off the boil, but in all the excitement you shouldn’t omit to say a polite and honest goodbye to the others: “I’m sorry, but I’ve found someone.” And even if you don’t want to lose contact with people, or just enjoy the correspondence, once it becomes evident that you have a relationship on the go - say a holiday together or meeting each other’s friends - you need to let people know that you are ‘taken’.

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