You’d really like to be in a relationship, but you’ve got some nagging doubts ... Can online dating really work for you? What happens if, after making initial contact with someone, it doesn’t go anywhere? … How best to handle thoughts of this kind.
Some people think they just don’t have what it takes to make a success of online dating, or they convince themselves that they don’t have the time or money to run around the country meeting new people. And the thought of commitment can be rather intimidating ... “Perhaps it would be better just to be really good friends.” But by placing these restrictions on yourself, you could end up with nothing, and that’s not what you are looking for.
Have a Plan B ready
Are you the kind of person who always weighs up the implications of any action - for instance, making contact with one of your recommended partners on Parship? Singles Coach Nicole Schiller advises undecided singles to have a Plan B ready … If you think you can find a relationship via another route, go ahead and try it. Would you rather put your hopes on a chance encounter than on a targeted search? If so, that’s fine by us, but you might find yourself a bit short of choices. Let’s face it, if you can’t even make up your mind to send a contact request, you might yourself doing a lot of waiting.
Round and round in circles
“I’m looking for a man who will love me - and not one who is going to expect me to be the perfect housewife for him,” says Mandy (58). But do those loving men exist? Katie (32) would love to settle down with the right man, “but my friends’ experience of the Internet seemed to lead to stressful long-distance relationships.” Nicole Schiller of Parship suggests that members, both men and women, should “overcome their fears by taking action and venturing some contact requests … Many singles start projecting into the future rather than just taking things step by step.” And the first step is a contact request.
Contact with confidence
The range of Parship members is so wide that it should be possible for everyone to meet someone who is after the same things. If, in the first instance, you are just after friendly contact, you are not the only one. Or you could be looking for someone who can take your emotions to a new level. But why are so many singles hesitant about making contact? “They are perhaps afraid that they are suddenly going to get everything sorted,” says Nicole Schiller. It can be a matter of a self-fulfilling prophecy. “If you make an approach in a half-hearted fashion and then it doesn’t work out, you can say: ‘You see, nobody wants me.’” But, of course, that doesn’t stop you from wanting someone.
It’s up to you
Nicole Schiller perceives different issues for male and female members of Parship.
“Women often forget that they need to play an active role in the process.” They take the trouble to join the service, maybe even pluck up the courage to contact a few men, but then don’t move on to maybe refusing approaches or breaking off contact, or to asking questions, expressing their expectations and checking out what’s going on. If you feel that things are moving too quickly with someone, do something about it. If you’d rather keep your own home than follow the accepted pattern of moving in with someone, then you can say so without fear of scaring everyone off.
Men, on the other hand, are often afraid of losing their independence, of being joined at the hip to a partner and of being deprived of going out - or on holiday - with their mates (and without her in tow).
Making a success
There is always a risk inherent in taking the initiative. On Parship, there is no absolute guarantee that you will find Mr or Ms Right and that everything will work out well. “But Parship really helps you along the way,” says Nicole Schiller, “When you are putting your profile together, you will find yourself thinking carefully about who you are and what you are hoping to get from contact with another member.” You can set some parameters in your profile too … for instance: “I need time to myself,” or “I couldn’t imagine moving house at the moment.” But don’t hammer these points home or start defining too many limitations. That can put people off and could suggest that you are still carrying serious baggage from previous relationships. A better option is to focus on the people with whom you make contact: be open to possibilities and express your interest in finding out more about them, and things really could start to take off for you.